It sounds like a good idea. It feels good. No lies, no hurt feelings. But here are 3 reasons why friends with benefits may not be such a good idea.
The Rules Change
Despite our best intentions, having a friend with benefit (FWB) changes the relationship. Problems start creeping in when the rules of the friendship start changing.
Hooking up after the movie might become the new norm, instead of going to dinner. What happens when you then simply want to go to a movie? Or just dinner? Your partner might then feel rejected or even worse, used.
A lot of communication is needed to keep things upfront and honest, and for all that work you could feel as if you are in a “committed” relationship in any case.
Feelings Are Messy
We like to think we are modern, sophisticated people who can deal with our emotions, but sometimes our hormones get in the way of our sophistication.
Even platonic friendships come with a whole range of feelings and attitudes. Adding a sexual content to that mix can easily add extra layers of tension.
For example, are you angry because you never see your FWB anymore, even for a coffee? Or are you really angry because they seem to be going out too often with another person (i.e. not you)? Do you know yourself well enough to know the difference?
Neglecting the Friendship Means the Benefits Just Become “Booty”
If you have a FWB, you still need to work on the friendship. Phoning a FWB for a chat cannot be replaced by phoning to hook up. It’s a tight rope to walk on. Suddenly a no-strings hook-up is only a call away.
Just like you would not want a romantic partner to think they are a booty call, you can’t let a friend think that they are. Not if you want the friendship, or the benefits, to last. This reason alone shows why friends with benefits may not be such a good idea.